To Boddah pronounced
Speaking from the tongue of an
experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile
camplainee.
This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the
warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years. Since my first
introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the
embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the
exitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and
writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the
crowd begins it doesn't affect the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who
seemed to love and relish in the love and adoration from the crowd. Which is
something I totally admire and envy. The fact is I can't fool you. Any one of
you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be
to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100 % fun.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch in time clock before I walk out on
stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do. God,
believe me I do but it's not enough.
I appreciate the fact that I and we
have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of one of those
narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I
need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a
child. On our last three tours I've had a much better appreciation for all the
people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get
over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in
all of us and I think I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me
feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces Jesus
man! Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know. I have a goddess of a wife who
sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I
used to be.
Full of love and joy kissing every person she meets because
everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to
where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the
miserable self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very
good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven I've become hateful towards
all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along,
and have empathy. Empathy! Only because I love and feel for people too much I
guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for your
letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody
baby! I don't have the passion anymore and so remember, its better to burn out
than to fade away. peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going
Courtney
For Frances
For her life which will be so much happier
without me. I Love you. I love you!
致巴达：
这是一个饱经沧桑的傻子发出的声音，他其实更愿做个柔弱而孩子气的诉苦人。这张条子应该很容易理解。所有的警告都来自于这些年来的‘朋克摇滚101’，自从我第一次介入那包含着独立性、应当称为道德原则的东西之后，你们团结一致的拥戴已证明是非常真实的。我已经好多年都不能从听音乐，写音乐以及读和写东西中感到激奋了。对于这些事我感到了一种难以形诸文字的负罪感。比如说，但我们来到后台，灯火熄灭，人们狂躁的咆哮响起，这一切对我的影响就远不如对Freddy
Mercury（“QUEEN”乐队主唱，1991年因艾滋病辞世。）影响那么大，他似乎喜欢而且把玩那些从人群中而来的爱与赞美——那正是我赞赏与嫉妒的一切。
事实上我无法欺骗你们，无法欺骗你们中的任何一人。那对你对我都不公平。我能想起的最大罪恶便是欺骗人们，装模作样，做出一副我100%地快乐的样子。
有时候我似乎应当在出场之前有台打卡机。我尽了我全部的力量去喜欢这一切，我的确也喜欢。但这还不够。我喜欢这一事实，即我和我们乐队感染和款待了不少人。我太敏感了。我必须清度麻醉才能重获我在孩提时代曾有过的热情。在我们最后的三次巡演中，我对所结识的所有的人和我们音乐的歌迷都有了更多的欣赏，但我还是无法克服我对每个人都抱有挫折感、负罪感和同情。在我们所有人中都有善意，我就是太爱人们了！爱的太多以至于让我感到真的太他妈忧郁，一个略为忧郁的、敏感的、不领情的、双鱼座的耶稣式的人物！
我有一个女神般的妻子，她为理想和打动人而拼命努力，我还有个女儿，她让我回忆起我的很多过去，她对那些她遇到的人致以全部的爱和快乐的吻，因为每个人都那么好，而且不会对她有任何伤害。这也让我惊恐万分，以至于我只会瞠目结舌。我没法容忍那种想法，就是弗兰西丝将变成象我这样自我毁灭、走向绝路的摇滚歌手。
我快乐的拥有一切，非常快乐。我充满感激。可自打我7岁以来，我总的来说就对人类充满了仇视，仅仅因为人们似乎太过容易地友好相处，而且还会同情，同情！仅仅因为我觉得自己对人们有太多的爱与同情。从我那燃烧而令人欲呕的胃之深处感激你们所有的人，感激你们在过去岁月里所有的来信和关心。我是个太过反常和抑郁的小子！我已经没有任何激情了，所以要记住“与其苟延残喘，不如从容燃烧！”
和平，爱，同情。
Frances 和 Courtney,
我会伴你们到老
Courtney 请继续前行，
为了 Frances ，为了她的生活
没有我她的生活会快乐许多。
我爱你们！爱你们！！
Kurt Cobain
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